{"id":5470,"date":"2024-11-01T20:23:56","date_gmt":"2024-11-01T20:23:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/runeecho.com\/?p=5470"},"modified":"2024-11-01T20:23:57","modified_gmt":"2024-11-01T20:23:57","slug":"my-neighbor-installed-a-toilet-on-my-lawn-with-a-note-flush-your-opinion-here-after-i-asked-her-not-to-sunbathe-in-front-of-my-sons-window","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/runeecho.com\/my-neighbor-installed-a-toilet-on-my-lawn-with-a-note-flush-your-opinion-here-after-i-asked-her-not-to-sunbathe-in-front-of-my-sons-window\/","title":{"rendered":"My Neighbor Installed a Toilet on My Lawn with a Note, &lsquo;Flush Your Opinion Here, After I Asked Her Not to Sunbathe in Front of My Son&rsquo;s Window"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>I should\u2019ve known trouble was brewing when Shannon moved in next door and immediately painted her house purple, then orange, and then blue. But I\u2019m a firm believer in living and letting live. That was right up until she started hosting bikini sunbathing spectacles right outside my 15-year-old son\u2019s window.\n\n\n\n<figure class='\"wp-block-image\"'><img decoding='\"async\"' src="%5C%22https:%5C/%5C/cdn.amomama.com%5C/098de3b041e8bc59bdbbcadcc2938f089e6b8a48392ee9173e3a49ff665c02fc.jpg%5C%22" alt='\"A' woman lying on a lounger source: pexels>\n\n\n\n<p>A woman lying on a lounger | Source: Pexels\n\n\n\n</p><p>\u201cMom!\u201d my son Jake burst into the kitchen one morning, his face redder than the tomatoes I was slicing for lunch. \u201cCan you\u2026 um\u2026 do something about that? Outside my window?\u201d\n\n\n\n</p><p>I marched to his room and peered out the window. There was Shannon, sprawled out on a leopard-print lounger, wearing the tiniest bikinis that could generously be called dental floss with sequins.\n\n\n\n</p><p>Just keep your blinds closed, honey,\u201d I said, trying to sound casual while my mind raced.\n\n\n\n<figure class='\"wp-block-image\"'><img decoding='\"async\"' src="%5C%22https:%5C/%5C/cdn.amomama.com%5C/c7cc913621e424da99d4a94967a9c6992ee863dfaaa6744470ceec11715c6774.jpg%5C%22" alt='\"A' woman opening curtains source: pexels>\n\n\n\n<p>A woman opening curtains | Source: Pexels\n\n\n\n</p><p>\u201cBut I can\u2019t even open them to get fresh air anymore!\u201d Jake slumped against the bed.\n\n\n\n</p><p>\u201cThis is so weird. Tommy came over to study yesterday, and he walked into my room and just froze. Like, mouth open, eyes bulging, full system shutdown. His mom probably won\u2019t let him come back!\u201d\n\n\n\n</p><p>\u201cEvery. Single. Day. Mom, I\u2019m dying. I can\u2019t live like this. I\u2019m going to have to become a mole person and live in the basement. Do we have Wi-Fi down there?\u201d\n\n\n\n<figure class='\"wp-block-image\"'><img decoding='\"async\"' src="%5C%22https:%5C/%5C/cdn.amomama.com%5C/0f383bc31c18561d67d4bbaf929447f96f160d38d2bb88adabc97a24c7929dbc.png%5C%22" alt='\"A' teenage boy frowning source: midjourney>\n\n\n\n<p>A teenage boy frowning | Source: Midjourney\n\n\n\n</p><p><br>After a week of watching my teenage son practically parkour around his room to avoid glimpsing our exhibitionist neighbor, I decided to have a friendly chat with Shannon.\n\n\n\n</p><p>I usually mind my own business when it comes to what people do in their yards, but Shannon\u2019s idea of \u2018sunbathing\u2019 was more like a public performance.\n\n\n\n</p><p>She\u2019d lounge around in the skimpiest of bikinis, sometimes even going topless, and there was no way to miss her every time we stood near Jake\u2019s window.\n\n\n\n</p><p>Hey, Shannon,\u201d I called out, aiming for that sweet spot between \u2018friendly neighbor\u2019 and \u2018concerned parent\u2019 tone of voice. \u201cGot a minute?\u201d\n\n\n\n</p><p>She lowered her oversized sunglasses, the ones that made her look like a bedazzled praying mantis. \u201cRenee! Come to borrow some tanning oil? I just got this amazing coconut one. Makes you smell like a tropical vacation and poor life choices.\u201d\n\n\n\n</p><p>\u201cActually, I wanted to talk about your sunbathing spot. See, it\u2019s right in front of my son Jake\u2019s window, and he\u2019s 15, and\u2014\u201d\n\n\n\n</p><p>\u201cOh. My. God.\u201d Shannon sat up, her face splitting into an unnervingly wide grin. \u201cAre you seriously trying to police where I can get my vitamin D? In my own yard?\u201d\n\n\n\n<figure class='\"wp-block-image\"'><img decoding='\"async\"' src="%5C%22https:%5C/%5C/cdn.amomama.com%5C/88075c1eaad914c9c2deecc47fc34103659f6107eb179f5fc0af8adf2c1d662b.png%5C%22" alt='\"A' furious woman source: midjourney>\n\n\n\n<p>A furious woman | Source: Midjourney\n\n\n\n</p><p>\u201cThat\u2019s not what I\u2014\u201d\n\n\n\n</p><p>\u201cListen, sweetie,\u201d she cut me off, examining her hot pink nails like they held the secrets to the universe. \u201cIf your kid can\u2019t handle seeing a confident woman living her best life, maybe you should invest in better blinds. Or therapy. Or both. I know this amazing life coach who could help him overcome his repression. She specializes in aura cleansing and interpretive dance.\u201d\n\n\n\n</p><p>\u201cShannon, please. I\u2019m just asking if you could maybe move your chair literally anywhere else in your yard. You have two acres!\u201d\n\n\n\n<figure class='\"wp-block-image\"'><img decoding='\"async\"' src="%5C%22https:%5C/%5C/cdn.amomama.com%5C/4180e0bc8be43c1d0306c2082da2d38645248b6170d6cd6cecb7e8b9f4062534.jpg%5C%22" alt='\"A' startled woman covering her mouth source: pexels>\n\n\n\n<p>A startled woman covering her mouth | Source: Pexels\n\n\n\n</p><p>https:\/\/googleads.g.doubleclick.net\/pagead\/ads?gdpr=0&amp;client=ca-pub-9597212463741597&amp;output=html&amp;h=410&amp;slotname=2357769988&amp;adk=61895454&amp;adf=1716898894&amp;pi=t.ma~as.2357769988&amp;w=393&amp;abgtt=6&amp;lmt=1730492541&amp;rafmt=11&amp;format=393&times;410&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Flezizmutfagim.net%2F2024%2F10%2F31%2F7725%2F%23m2z6kjf2g609nqhzlwv&amp;fwr=1&amp;wgl=1&amp;dt=1730492513489&amp;bpp=1&amp;bdt=66&amp;idt=38&amp;shv=r20241030&amp;mjsv=m202410280101&amp;ptt=9&amp;saldr=aa&amp;abxe=1&amp;cookie=ID%3D067ed9832ef9f6d6%3AT%3D1730492503%3ART%3D1730492503%3AS%3DALNI_MbCCpEkGJ-KRkRqjHHe06Y-3NMkrA&amp;gpic=UID%3D00000f1fb9f7ff8d%3AT%3D1730492503%3ART%3D1730492503%3AS%3DALNI_MYsUjxyUOEnajA6OH41q7pq1DOn5Q&amp;eo_id_str=ID%3Da46ceb36a0c06ca0%3AT%3D1730492503%3ART%3D1730492503%3AS%3DAA-AfjZA8dYRbT2z3nY8HRQewp5B&amp;prev_fmts=0x0%2C393x327%2C393x410%2C393x410%2C393x410%2C393x410%2C393x410%2C393x164%2C393x327%2C393x327%2C393x66%2C393x327&amp;nras=6&amp;correlator=2242478169100&amp;frm=20&amp;pv=1&amp;rplot=4&amp;u_tz=60&amp;u_his=6&amp;u_h=852&amp;u_w=393&amp;u_ah=852&amp;u_aw=393&amp;u_cd=24&amp;u_sd=3&amp;adx=0&amp;ady=7676&amp;biw=393&amp;bih=765&amp;scr_x=0&amp;scr_y=2325&amp;eid=44759876%2C44759927%2C95344189%2C95344789%2C95345789%2C95345963&amp;oid=2&amp;psts=AOrYGsl6KV4JV0ZS5fnTRo1QAszDAbTF4QcvIqRJJml13ZA2w2DoX6eU1MS3P2M3mc_JZQ9TUxzhGPsR6wFAZn-DBQqP%2CAOrYGsnnkXB2DTiNNMF_NkjtJHkZnb1JujjxtCCsm7vqPebb9o60iQTKBgVPykaJ681wGpV4Wz4JcI-Yj31EIpV-aG9C%2CAOrYGsnrUw0blGmJRnJlCX2F2Wd6kJy6r6kfrA_70jT_1o9wuo5MtS67vwf8HTgAWAaWy1yJhTReYJXXo2574PaaZFpR&amp;pvsid=2651834453438563&amp;tmod=684917239&amp;uas=3&amp;nvt=1&amp;ref=https%3A%2F%2Flezizmutfagim.net%2F2024%2F10%2F31%2Fmy-neighbor-installed-a-toilet-on-my-lawn-with-a-note-flush-your-opinion-here-after-i-asked-her-not-to-sunbathe-in-front-of-my-sons-window%2F&amp;fc=1920&amp;brdim=0%2C0%2C0%2C0%2C393%2C0%2C393%2C765%2C393%2C765&amp;vis=1&amp;rsz=%7C%7CeEbr%7C&amp;abl=CS&amp;pfx=0&amp;fu=128&amp;bc=31&amp;bz=1&amp;ifi=8&amp;uci=a!8&amp;btvi=10&amp;fsb=1&amp;dtd=28209\n\n\n\n</p><p>\u201cHmm.\u201d She tapped her chin thoughtfully, then reached for her phone. \u201cLet me check my schedule. Oh, look at that! I\u2019m booked solid with not caring about your opinion until\u2026 forever.\u201d\n\n\n\n</p><p>I retreated, wondering if I\u2019d somehow stumbled into an episode of \u201cNeighbors Gone Wild.\u201d But Shannon wasn\u2019t done with me yet. Not by a long shot.\n\n\n\n</p><p>Two days later, I opened my front door to grab the newspaper and stopped dead in my tracks.\n\n\n\n</p><p>There, proudly displayed in the middle of my perfectly manicured lawn, was a toilet bowl. Not just any toilet. It was an old, filthy, tetanus-inducing throne, complete with a handwritten sign that read: \u201cFLUSH YOUR OPINION HERE!\u201d\n\n\n\n</p><p>I knew it was Shannon\u2019s handiwork.\n\n\n\n<figure class='\"wp-block-image\"'><img decoding='\"async\"' src="%5C%22https:%5C/%5C/cdn.amomama.com%5C/f87a518fd6fe83c38f763a21fe09e147380385441649172ff60aed080adad943.png%5C%22" alt='\"A' toilet with a sign installed on the lawn source: midjourney>\n\n\n\n<p>A toilet with a sign installed on the lawn | Source: Midjourney\n\n\n\n</p><p>\u201cWhat do you think of my art installation?\u201d her voice floated over from her yard. She was perched on her lounger, looking like a very smug, very underdressed cat.\n\n\n\n</p><p>\u201cI call it \u2018Modern Suburban Discourse.\u2019 The local art gallery already wants to feature it in their \u2018Found Objects\u2019 exhibition!\u201d she laughed.\n\n\n\n</p><p>\u201cAre you kidding me?\u201d I gestured at the porcelain monstrosity. \u201cThis is vandalism!\u201d\n\n\n\n<figure class='\"wp-block-image\"'><img decoding='\"async\"' src="%5C%22https:%5C/%5C/cdn.amomama.com%5C/8aa9e55b00449ac6881b46104d24362fe6ed62289573e2e4fca178a272165a5f.png%5C%22" alt='\"A' shocked woman source: midjourney>\n\n\n\n<p>A shocked woman | Source: Midjourney\n\n\n\n</p><p>\u201cNo, honey, this is self-expression. Like my sunbathing. But since you\u2019re so interested in giving opinions about what people do on their property, I thought I\u2019d give you a proper place to put them.\u201d\n\n\n\n</p><p>I stood there on my lawn, staring at Shannon cackling like a hyena, and something inside me just clicked.\n\n\n\n</p><p>You know that moment when you realize you\u2019re playing chess with a pigeon? The bird\u2019s just going to knock over all the pieces, strut around like it won, and leave droppings everywhere. That was Shannon.\n\n\n\n</p><p>led my arms and sighed. Sometimes the best revenge is just sitting back and watching karma do its thing.\n\n\n\n<figure class='\"wp-block-image\"'><img decoding='\"async\"' src="%5C%22https:%5C/%5C/cdn.amomama.com%5C/39a8da07af5925c61d736f46f41671dbb87ce3b3d9f4ecbe2b9592f130a02ff5.png%5C%22" alt='\"A' woman laughing source: midjourney>\n\n\n\n<p>A woman laughing | Source: Midjourney\n\n\n\n</p><p>The weeks that followed tested my patience. Shannon turned her yard into what I can only describe as a one-woman Woodstock. The sunbathing continued, now with an added commentary track.\n\n\n\n</p><p>she invited friends, and her parties rattled windows three houses down, complete with karaoke renditions of \u201cI Will Survive\u201d at 3 a.m. She even started a \u201cmeditation drum circle\u201d that sounded more like a herd of caffeinated elephants learning to Riverdance.\n\n\n\n</p><p>Through it all, I smiled and waved. Because here\u2019s the thing about people like Shannon \u2014 they\u2019re so busy writing their own drama that they never see the plot twist coming.\n\n\n\n</p><p>And oh boy, what a twist it was.\n\n\n\n<figure class='\"wp-block-image\"'><img decoding='\"async\"' src="%5C%22https:%5C/%5C/cdn.amomama.com%5C/bd34849af6ad5190831d17ad13055a3863ecafb73c25c950b1639e380c5fd2bc.jpg%5C%22" alt='\"People' at a party source: unsplash>\n\n\n\n<p>People at a party | Source: Unsplash\n\n\n\n</p><p>It was a pleasant Saturday. I was baking cookies when I heard sirens. I stepped onto my porch just in time to see a fire truck screech to a halt in front of my house.\n\n\n\n</p><p>\u201cMa\u2019am,\u201d a firefighter approached me, looking confused. \u201cWe received a report about a sewage leak?\u201d\n\n\n\n</p><p>Before I could respond, Shannon appeared, wearing a concerned citizen face that deserved an Oscar. \u201cYes, officer! That toilet over there\u2026 it\u2019s a health hazard! I\u2019ve seen things\u2026 terrible things\u2026 leaking! The children, won\u2019t someone think of the children?\u201d\n\n\n\n<figure class='\"wp-block-image\"'><img decoding='\"async\"' src="%5C%22https:%5C/%5C/cdn.amomama.com%5C/7f92ab05fa511c08b56fe2e226badb22e72174ccfd24e82cff2e6e5228746d99.jpg%5C%22" alt='\"A' firefighter holding a fire extinguisher source: pexels>\n\n\n\n<p>A firefighter holding a fire extinguisher | Source: Pexels\n\n\n\n</p><p>The firefighter looked at the bone-dry decorative toilet, then at Shannon, then back at the toilet. His expression suggested he was questioning every life choice that led him to this moment.\n\n\n\n</p><p>\u201cMa\u2019am, making false emergency reports is a crime. This is clearly a lawn ornament,\u201d he paused, probably wondering why he had to say a phrase like that as part of his job.\n\n\n\n</p><p>\u201cA dry lawn ornament. And I\u2019m a firefighter, not a health inspector.\u201d\n\n\n\n<figure class='\"wp-block-image\"'><img decoding='\"async\"' src="%5C%22https:%5C/%5C/cdn.amomama.com%5C/2329084982d0570a2aa04a61f45afb01ce657d42ec368dfc0536c3f9b8c0f995.jpg%5C%22" alt='\"A' firefighter staring at someone source: pexels>\n\n\n\n<p>A firefighter staring at someone | Source: Pexels\n\n\n\n</p><p>Shannon\u2019s face fell faster than her sunscreen coverage rating. \u201cBut the aesthetic pollution! The visual contamination!\u201d\n\n\n\n</p><p>\u201cMa\u2019am, we don\u2019t respond to aesthetic emergencies, and pranks are definitely not something we respond to.\u201d\n\n\n\n</p><p>With that, the firefighters left the property, but karma wasn\u2019t finished with Shannon. Not by a long shot.\n\n\n\n<figure class='\"wp-block-image\"'><img decoding='\"async\"' src="%5C%22https:%5C/%5C/cdn.amomama.com%5C/624cb77203d05952511d907d942c45d5bb387165c9d44023961f280c8bacab3c.png%5C%22" alt='\"An' angry woman gritting her teeth source: midjourney>\n\n\n\n<p>An angry woman gritting her teeth | Source: Midjourney\n\n\n\n</p><p>The fire truck drama barely slowed her down. If anything, it inspired her to reach new heights. Literally.\n\n\n\n</p><p>One scorching afternoon, I spotted Shannon hauling her leopard-print lounger up a ladder to her garage roof. And there she was, perched up high like some sort of sunbathing gargoyle, armed with a reflective tanning sheet and what looked like an industrial-sized margarita.\n\n\n\n</p><p>I was in my kitchen, elbow-deep in dinner dishes, and wondering if this was the universe\u2019s way of testing my blood pressure when the sound of chaos erupted outside.\n\n\n\n<figure class='\"wp-block-image\"'><img decoding='\"async\"' src="%5C%22https:%5C/%5C/cdn.amomama.com%5C/de2ff1a894d4185f298a213b3c6243e568c33f79d95d3b7492b8274b1b8c4cd1.jpg%5C%22" alt='\"Close-up' of a woman sunbathing source: pexels>\n\n\n\n<p>Close-up of a woman sunbathing | Source: Pexels\n\n\n\n</p><p>I heard a splash and a screech that sounded like a cat in a washing machine. I rushed outside to find Shannon face-down in her prized petunias, covered from head to toe in mud.\n\n\n\n</p><p>Turned out that her new rooftop sunbathing spot had met its match \u2014 her malfunctioning sprinkler system.\n\n\n\n</p><p>Our neighbor, Mrs. Peterson, dropped her gardening shears. \u201cGood Lord! Shannon, are you trying to recreate Baywatch? Because I think you missed the beach part. And the running part. And the\u2026 well\u2026 every part.\u201d\n\n\n\n</p><p>Shannon scrambled up, caked in mud. Her designer bikini was now accessorized with grass stains and what appeared to be a very surprised earthworm.\n\n\n\n<figure class='\"wp-block-image\"'><img decoding='\"async\"' src="%5C%22https:%5C/%5C/cdn.amomama.com%5C/5087bf364269d177c400ab6eb9d57bb439e124cce9c1003297e194f45209e213.png%5C%22" alt='\"A' shocked woman with mud on her face source: midjourney>\n\n\n\n<p>A shocked woman with mud on her face | Source: Midjourney\n\n\n\n</p><p>Following the incident, Shannon was as quiet as a church mouse. She stopped sunbathing in front of Jake\u2019s window, and the dirty toilet bowl on my lawn disappeared faster than a magician\u2019s rabbit.\n\n\n\n</p><p>Shannon invested in a privacy fence around her backyard, and our long suburban nightmare was over.\n\n\n\n</p><p>\u201cMom,\u201d Jake said at breakfast the next morning, cautiously raising his blinds, \u201cis it safe to come out of witness protection now?\u201d\n\n\n\n</p><p>I smiled, sliding him a plate of pancakes. \u201cYeah, honey. I think the show\u2019s been canceled. Permanently.\u201d\n\n\n\n<figure class='\"wp-block-image\"'><img decoding='\"async\"' src="%5C%22https:%5C/%5C/cdn.amomama.com%5C/75b8fc992881480344bba6db1380e47d62c1cb088dc74488ccd1895b1f974271.png%5C%22" alt='\"A' teenage boy smiling source: midjourney>\n\n\n\n<p>A teenage boy smiling | Source: Midjourney\n\n\n\n</p><p>\u201cThank god,\u201d he muttered, then grinned. \u201cThough I kind of miss the toilet. It was weirdly starting to grow on me. Like a really ugly lawn gnome.\u201d\n\n\n\n</p><p>\u201cDon\u2019t even joke about that. Eat your pancakes before she decides to install a whole bathroom set!\u201d I said, sharing a hearty laugh with my son as we looked at the wall around Shannon\u2019s yard.\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"</p><div class='\"mh-excerpt\"'><p>I should\u2019ve known trouble was brewing when Shannon moved in next door and immediately painted her house purple, then orange, and then blue. But I\u2019m <a class='\"mh-excerpt-more\"' href="%5C%22https:%5C/%5C/runeecho.com%5C/my-neighbor-installed-a-toilet-on-my-lawn-with-a-note-flush-your-opinion-here-after-i-asked-her-not-to-sunbathe-in-front-of-my-sons-window%5C/%5C%22" title='\"My' neighbor installed a toilet on my lawn with note your opinion here after i asked her not to sunbathe in front of son window>[&hellip;]\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeecho.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5470"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeecho.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeecho.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeecho.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeecho.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5470"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/runeecho.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5470\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5471,"href":"https:\/\/runeecho.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5470\/revisions\/5471"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeecho.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5470"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeecho.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5470"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeecho.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5470"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}</a></p></div></figure></p></figure></p></figure></p></figure></p></figure></p></figure></p></figure></p></figure></p></figure></p></figure></p></figure></p></figure></p></figure></p></figure></p></figure></p>