My baby girl usually visits her father on some weekends, but what happened this time had my heart racing.
Our daughter asked to talk to me over the phone and used our code word, alerting me that she needed a way out.
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Here\u2019s why having code words is an important trick to keep our kids safe.\n\n\n\n

When I was a little girl, my mother taught me how to use a code word if I was in trouble and couldn\u2019t speak up.\n\n\n\n

As an adult, I decided to impart this brilliant method to my baby girl.
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I figured she could use it to get out of sleepovers or if she had awkward hangouts.\n\n\n\n

Our relationship, once filled with warmth and affection, had grown strained over the years.\n\n\n\n

.Divorce had a way of doing that, and while we tried to maintain a civil relationship for the sake of our daughter, Amy, things were often tense.
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\u201cHey, Claire,\u201d Dave\u2019s voice came through, slightly hesitant. \u201cAmy wants to talk to you.\n\n\n\n

She\u2019s been asking to tell you about her day since she got here.\u201dThis caught me off guard.\n\n\n\n

Amy usually enjoyed her sleepover weekends with her dad and rarely called me during those visits. \u201cOh, sure, put her on,\u201d I replied, trying to keep my voice steady. The fact that Dave sounded a bit off only added to the unease that was beginning to settle in my stomach. \u201cHi, Mom!\u201d Amy\u2019s voice was as cheerful as ever, but there was something in the way she spoke that I couldn\u2019t quite place. This was unusual for her, so I perked up and listened intently. \u201cHey, sweetie! How\u2019s your weekend going?\n\n\n\n

Have you been having fun?\u201d I asked, hoping to keep the conversation light. \u201cYeah, it\u2019s been good. We went to the park yesterday, and I drew some pictures this morning. I drew a dog, a tree, and\u2026 I wish I had a blue marker so I could draw blueberries.\u201d The words hit me like a ton of bricks! There it was: our code word. My heart skipped a beat, and for a moment, I couldn\u2019t find my voice. Among her childish chatter, Amy had dropped in our \u201cpassword.\u201d When my daughter was younger,\n\n\n\n

I taught her the importance of having a secret word. It was something she could use if she ever felt unsafe but couldn\u2019t voice it outright. \u201cBlueberries\u201d was our word, but I never imagined she would actually use it. I swallowed hard and forced myself to stay calm because the word means \u201cget me out of here immediately.\u201d\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat sounds great, honey. I\u2019m on my way to come get you. Please don\u2019t say anything to your father. I\u2019ll talk to him when I get there.\u201d\u201cDid you have anything else you wanted to tell me?\u201d \u201cNo, that\u2019s it,\u201d she replied, her tone still sweet but carrying an undertone of something else; fear? Uncertainty?\n\n\n\n

I couldn\u2019t be sure, but I knew one thing: I had to get her out of there. \u201cI\u2019ll see you soon, okay?\u201d I said as nonchalantly as possible. \u201cOkay, Mom. Love you.\u201d \u201cLove you too, my Amy Wamy.\u201d I heard her giggle as I hung up the phone, my hands trembling.\n\n\n\n

My mind raced as I tried to figure out what could have happened. Dave had never given me any reason to doubt his ability to care for our daughter, but something was clearly wrong. I grabbed my keys, my mind made up. I had to go to my ex\u2019s place and get Amy. When I finally arrived, I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.\n\n\n\n

To my surprise, it wasn\u2019t Dave who answered, but a woman I didn\u2019t recognize. She looked at me with a mixture of curiosity and annoyance. \u201cCan I help you?\u201d she asked, her tone clipped. \u201cI\u2019m here to pick up my daughter,\u201d I said, doing my best to keep my voice steady. \u201cIs Dave home?\u201d\u201cHe\u2019s just gone out to run some quick errands,\u201d she replied, crossing her arms.\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut Amy\u2019s inside. Who are you?\u201d \u201cI\u2019m Claire, Amy\u2019s mom,\u201d I said, my patience wearing thin. \u201cAnd you are?\u201d The woman\u2019s expression didn\u2019t soften. \u201cI\u2019m Lisa. Dave\u2019s girlfriend. We\u2019ve been living together for a few weeks now.\u201d I blinked, taken aback. Dave had never mentioned that he had a girlfriend, let alone that she had moved in.\n\n\n\n

Why hadn\u2019t Amy said anything about this before? But now wasn\u2019t the time for questions. I needed to get my daughter out of there. \u201cWell, Lisa, I just remembered that Amy has a doctor\u2019s appointment early in the morning, and there are some things we need to go through before then,\u201d I lied, forcing a smile. \u201cI totally forgot to mention it to Dave.\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m just going to take her, and I\u2019ll bring her back later.\u201d Lisa didn\u2019t seem convinced, but she didn\u2019t argue either. \u201cFine, but I\u2019ll let Dave know.\u201d \u201cOf course,\u201d I said, stepping past her into the house. Amy was sitting on the couch, her small frame curled up as she colored in a book. When she saw me, her face lit up, but I could see the relief in her eyes.\n\n\n\n

\u201cHi, sweetie,\u201d I said, trying to keep things light. \u201cWe need to go to prepare for the doctor tomorrow, remember?\u201d Amy nodded and stood up, clutching her book to her chest. She didn\u2019t say a word as she followed me out of the house. Lisa watched us go, her eyes narrowing, but she didn\u2019t stop us. Once we were in the car and driving away, I glanced over at my daughter.\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou okay, baby?\u201d I asked gently. At first, Amy nodded, but then, as the tension of the situation melted away, she began to cry. She tried to speak between gasps. \u201cMom, Lisa\u2026 Lisa is mean to me when Dad isn\u2019t around.\u201d\u201cWhat do you mean, sweetie?\u201d I asked, my heart breaking. \u201cShe says things,\u201d Amy continued, tears streaming down her face. \u201cShe says I\u2019m annoying and that I shouldn\u2019t be there. She told me that if I told Dad, he wouldn\u2019t believe me because I\u2019m just a kid. She said I should stay in my room and not bother them.\u201d\n\n\n\n

The anger that flared up inside me was almost blinding! How dare this woman, who had no right to be in my daughter\u2019s life, treat her this way? \u201cAmy, you did the right thing by telling me. I\u2019m so proud of you,\u201d I said, trying to keep my voice calm. \u201cYou don\u2019t ever have to be around her again if you don\u2019t want to.\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ll talk to your dad, and we\u2019ll figure this out, okay?\u201dAmy nodded, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. \u201cOkay, Mom.\u201d When we got home, I gave Amy a big hug and let her know how much I loved her. Then, once she settled in her room with her favorite stuffed animal, I picked up my phone and called Dave. He answered on the third ring. \u201cHey, Claire, did something happen? I just got home, and Lisa said you came by and took Amy?\u201d \u201cYes, something happened,\u201d I said, unable to keep the anger out of my voice.\n\n\n\n

\u201cAmy used our code word today, Dave. She wanted to leave because Lisa has been saying awful things to her when you\u2019re not around.\u201d There was a long silence on the other end of the line. \u201cWhat? That can\u2019t be right\u2026 Lisa wouldn\u2019t\u2014\u201d \u201cShe did, Dave. Amy was in tears by the time we got in the car. She\u2019s scared of your girlfriend, and she didn\u2019t know how to tell you, so she told me the only way she could.\u201d \u201cClaire, I\u2019m sorry. I had no idea. I\u2019ll talk to Lisa. This isn\u2019t okay.\u201d \u201cNo, it\u2019s not,\u201d I said, my voice softening.\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut what\u2019s more important is Amy. She\u2019s the one we need to be thinking about.\u201d\u201cYou\u2019re right,\u201d Dave said, sounding more defeated than I\u2019d ever heard him. \u201cI\u2019ll handle it. I promise.\u201d After we hung up, I sat on the couch, feeling emotionally drained. This wasn\u2019t how I\u2019d imagined my weekend going, but I was glad that Amy felt safe enough to use our code word. It was a small thing, but it had made all the difference. Then and there, I decided my little girl had to get a phone.\n\n\n\n

I knew technology could be damaging to her development, but believed she could use it to text me and it would come in handy. As I sat down on the couch, reflecting on everything that had happened, I realized just how crucial it was for other parents to have something similar in place. That code word gave my Amy a way to reach out without feeling exposed or vulnerable.\n\n\n\n

It also allowed me to step in before things escalated further. But, the code word is not just about picking any random word; there are a few important rules to keep in mind to ensure that you choose a good \u201cpassword.\u201dFirst of all, never use common words, ones that might come up frequently in everyday conversation.\n\n\n\n

The last thing you want is for the word to be mentioned casually and cause unnecessary alarm. These are words that others can easily guess like \u201cschool,\u201d \u201cbirthday,\u201d colors, and such. It shouldn\u2019t be something obvious. Secondly, consider a phrase if your child is old enough to remember it. A short, memorable phrase or a combination of two words can add an extra layer of security. It should be something that wouldn\u2019t be easily guessed by others but is still easy for your child to recall. Phrases like \u201csunshine forest,\u201d \u201cdancing penguin,\u201d \u201cblue apple,\u201d and more. It\u2019s best to test it out to ensure your child can recall it easily even under different circumstances, like when she\u2019s stressed or calm.\n\n\n\n

Rule number three is to role-play scenarios with your child. Practice using the code word in various situations so they understand exactly when and how to use it. This will help them feel confident and prepared if they ever need to use it. The experience we had was a powerful reminder of how such a simple plan could make a big difference. I hope that by sharing our story, more parents will consider creating a code word with their children. It might just be the tool they need in a critical moment.\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"